Purity?

Until last week, I had never heard of the "Christian Side Hug". Apparently, unlike the conventional hug, this new hug is less likely to result in awkward and accidental sexual contact between devout Christian teenagers. Conservative Christian youth groups all over America are adopting the new sign of affection, even going so far as to ban the conventional hug completely, especially when done between members of the two sexes. The goal is to minimize physical contact between members and/or leaders of the group, therefore reducing the chances of someone being "turned on" by something as innocent as a hug.

Youth groups are a wonderful thing for young people. They, and other programs like them, help keep kids off of the street and out of trouble. Every young person needs to belong to a group like that: it provides kids an opportunity to take a break from homework, TV and the computer and lets them interact with people their own age outside of school or school activities. It's good for them.

While youth groups are good for young people, however, many churches' obsessions with premarital sex (or the prevention thereof) is worrisome. The goal to keep young people as pure before marriage as possible is so unrealistic that any sign of physical affection outside of the "side hug" or a handshake is seen as sexual (and, therefore, a sin). While I certainly wouldn't go up to a potential employer and give him or her a full-frontal hug, I can't say I wouldn't do the same with my friends, especially if I haven't seen them in a long time. In either case, do I find hugging my friends to be a turn-on? Not in the least, and I didn't when I was a teenager, either. To me, and to a lot of young people, hugging is innocent.

Not so in the eyes of conservative Christians all over America. According to their logic, hugging inevitably leads to more sexual behavior like kissing, heavy petting and premarital sex. And this is their way of stopping that sin right in its tracks. Or is it?

Not very long ago, I was a teenager and a rebellious one at that. I hated authority, especially when they told me what to think and believe. And as a way of combating authority, I acted, dressed and even believed the exact opposite of what they wanted me to. This is a common behavior among teenagers, especially more independent teenagers. They may engage in these behaviors just to assert their autonomy as a human being and engage in a "forbidden" act. Other teenagers may just be curious about this whole "sex" thing people at church keep talking about, and so they try it too. Either way, without protection, these young people could find themselves in a situation that they are not mature enough to handle.

Many youth groups only teach the "don't do it" part of this lesson. Few, if any, talk about the "what could happen if you do" part (aside from going to Hell after you die). And many parents have the same mindset, as well. People these days aren't frank enough about the dirty little three-letter word. They're too afraid of what their peers, their neighbors or what their God would think of them to shove a handful of condoms into their kid's purse or wallet or put their daughters on the Pill. And as a result, birth rates among teenagers have gone up in 26 states since 2005. Not surprisingly almost every state in the Bible Belt, many of which had high teenage birth rates to begin with, saw an increase. The only state that saw a decrease was Tennessee, and even that decrease was marginal.

While the conservative Christian standpoint is well-intentioned, in practice it doesn't work at all. Sex is natural; it isn't dirty and sinful. And young people are going to discover it whether their religion tells them to or not. As for me, I'd rather have my God be mad at me for teaching a kid about safe sex than have to look at that same kid struggle through life because she had a child she cannot support, and knowing that I could have done something to stop it.